control. Lyrics by eli.
I tried so hard to be what you needed
I laughed when I wasn’t happy
I stayed quiet when it hurt
You said you loved how calm I was
But really, I just stopped fighting
You told me I was everything you dreamed of
And I believed you even when I knew it wasn’t me you loved
You loved the version that smiled on cue
The one that never asked for anything back
You didn’t love me, you loved control
You loved how small I made myself to fit inside your world
I broke my own heart trying to keep you comfortable
And you called that love
I started losing my voice around you
Every opinion I turned into silence
You like me better that way
Empty, easy, predictable
And I kept calling it peace
I hate that you’ll never know me, the real me
The one that laughs too loud and says what he means
You never met him
You met the ghost I built for you
You didn’t love me
You loved the idea
You loved being right
You loved the quiet
You loved someone who didn’t exist
And I let you
Now I’m trying to remember who I was
Before I learned to disappear for someone else
It’s harder than I thought
Some days I still wake up wanting to be him
The version you’d still love
Lyrics Corrected by “Lily”