*** Five Lyrics – Tom Cardy
I wanna, *** five
I wanna, *** five
I really want a *** five
And if you give me one, I’ll put my hand down
But if you don’t give me a *** five
Then I’ll leave my hand up and cause a ***’ scene
Cryin’ grown man at your sister’s birthday
Everybody askin’ who brought that guy?
I’ma get weird and ruin your life
If you don’t give me five and make it ***
Down low, too slow, oh, no
I just offered your nephew blow
Stepped on *** talkin’ mostly speed
And I’ma tell everyone you sold it to me
I really want a *** five
And if you give me one, I’ll put my hand down
I’ve met your family, I know your home address
You better slap a brother’s metacarpus, otherwise, I promise consequences
Heel toe, heel toe
Welcome to the friggin’ pain rodeo
I hope you brought your fightin’ chaps
‘Cause I’m about to get you slapped
A-ea-ea, what’s that sound?
Could it be me buyin’ everyone a round of
Fireball, but then drinkin’ them all
And then tellin’ your girlfriend that you’re cheatin’ on her with me
Someone *** in all of your indoor houseplants
Oh, who could that be?
Somebody organized a *** with your parents
Oh, I’m a little bit naughty
Someone constructed an apiary in your bathroom
Thirteen thousand bees
Someone *** your Twitter account
And now you’re followin’ Jeffrey Epstein
Does your employer know that you starred in a TV show
Called, “Michael once admitted to me that he had *** on his boss’ desk”
And yes, that show exists, but I guess that you just missed
That I constantly film you for an occasion just like this
An occasion just like this
Ruined because you’re bein’ a ***
You’ll damage our friendship, you’ll break up the band
If you don’t slap my hand
I really want a *** five
And if you give me one, I will stop ruinin’ your life
I don’t know how it started, but this is how it ends
If you just slap my hand, we go back to best friends
